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April 9, 2009

PoopTeen’s Pep-Talk for the stars: Jennifer Anniston

Dear Jen

It’s time someone stood up to say what has been on all our minds since we first saw you on ‘Friends’.
“It’s OK.  You’ll be fine.  You’re so much better than him.”
Here is some advice from The Gang of Aces.
1)  Yeah, you are getting older but you are still good looking.  Maybe even hot.  But way better looking than Brad(who is starting to look like Droopy the Dog).  So don’t waste your time with losers.  I don’t care if he says your body is a wonderland…More than likely these guys are Hollywood dorks caught up in themselves.
Which leads to…
2)  Date outside your circle.  Smell-A is filled with guys that shave their legs and prance around like ninnies.  Take a vacation talk with the cute bar tender.  They may surprise you.  They may even say “Wholly SHIT!!!  I’m dating Jennifer Anniston!!!” and treat you like a Goddess.
3)  Just do it.  Have fun.  Live a little.  It seems that whenever I’m standing in line at the grocery store you always have a glum look on your face.  A deep breath, a smile and stiff drink does wonders.
Finally.  Whatever you do.  DO NOT talk to Josef Stalin.  He may come across as a charmer but he is an Evil-Doer and will throw you away after he has had his way with you backstage at a Dave Matthews concert.
Now go get it Tiger…Or Tigress I should say.
If you need any further advice please contact PoopTeen.com 

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